What really matters?

Yesterday I was close to panic, today I'm cool as an ice cube. Come what may, my face, I'm ready.

Funny, but as soon as it occurred to me that I might be seriously ill, my thoughts raced 100 miles an hour, but none of the people I worried about was myself. There was no whymes (after all it's not confirmed yet) nor self pity of any kind. No regret, no defeat, just simply concern.

Concern over Mum; she has already lost a husband, my father, to cancer (brain tumor in April 1997). Could she deal with losing a daughter to cancer, too?
Concern over my best supporter, my boyfriend of nearly 11 months, who has already lost his mother to cancer and several relatives as well. How would he handle the news?
What comes to my other relatives and friends... I thought that if the news are indeed bad, I'll let them know in time.

I was not worried what happends to me. I didn't care about pain (I live with it already), about possible treatments, just slightly about money, but mostly how my closest will take it. And does it mean that I will not be able to meet my clusterfriends, ever?

So, in the time like this, it's all about the core. What really matters, who really matters, what things are important to you. Like my friend Gwen said, I must forget all about it now and concentrade on other things as much as I can. November 23 is many days away.