Let's not play devil advocate

Now, it's been a while since I last posted. Due to internet problems (it's painfully slow) more than anything else. A lot has happened since my last post, too much in fact, but I'm going to write about things I'm worried right now.

I have told here often that I suffer from ch, clusterheadaches. This week has been the worst on this cycle: 5 hits yesterday, 4 so far today. The taurine Helen sent never got here, but my pal Gwen promised to send me some more (hopefully it's here sometime next week). Energy drinks still work, but one can never be too careful.

Then there is the big D, dissertation 2. I'm late from my own schedule, due to the slow internet. How one is supposed to analyse blogs, when one cannot get to them? But I'm not in the state of panic, yet. I'm thinking about starting regular meditation to keep the stress away. It just might work out. Or not, we'll see about that.

But neither one of those is my worry no uno. It's those two odd spots, sort of moles, on the left side of my face. They worry me a lot now... I know I mentioned a skin cancer scare earlier, but honestly, I was really kidding about that. You know, thinking about the worst possible scenario and getting ready for that, so when it's something not that serious, the relief is greater. Well, I'm not kidding anymore!

I went to see a GP today and when he looked at the moles, he looked bit worried and when he said that he's going to send me to a specialist, dermatologist, I could swear that my heart missed a beat.

Now, I know that just going to see a dermatologist doesn't say that "it's skin cancer" yet, and I'd hate to be pessimistic about it, but I can't help it that I am bit freaking out! I was expecting that the GP tells me that "it's nothing, just a simple rash, which will pass soon...". That's why I'm scared now.

And, naturally, because I'm me, I've been surfing at all sort of skin cancer web sites, looking for pictures. It's horrible to look at pics in which the word "cancer" is linked to moles which look awfully lot like mine what comes to their shape and size (although mine is lighter what comes to color...). But, since I'm Miss Optimistic, I'm not going to think myself as a cancer patient until I hear those words from the dermatologist. And I'm going to see her 16 days from now, so that's a lot of days if one spends all of them worrying, panicking and freaking out, don't you think?

My rational mind tells me that I'm far too young to get skin cancer, but I know better than that. Babies have cancer, so why I would be any different? After all, I have fair skin, I've been sunburned as a kid and my face have got more sun than usual while I've been back in Finland(it's all the long walks I've been walking here at Jyväskylä). Besides, mum had a skin cancer scare few years ago: when a mole in her hand was removed, it turned out to be pre-cancerous. So, it is complitely possible.

Now, I have 16 days until I know more. Until then, I think that I have odd spots on my face and that's all. Wish me luck.