Immortality

Ok, I admit it, my headline this time may sound a bit odd... you know, as the first post after Christmas. But it makes sense for me.

You see, during the holidays I got some extra time to catch up with my non-media theory reading. I read 3 books and 2 of them concenrtaded, in a way, around death. Now, if you have not read We Need to Talk About Kevin nor Anybody Out There?, finish reading this blog RIGHT NOW! I'm going to talk about plot lines here and believe me, you DO NOT want to know about them in advance.

Now, Kevin (too long title to use all the time) was the book I had on my Christmas list and I got it. I begun to read it as soon as I could, because I wanted to know if it was as good as they told me it would. It is! It's perfect for anyone who wants to read a book, which makes you think. It's been written in a manner that one can see it's brilliance and intelligence at once. It makes you wonder, smile and feel disturbed, all at once. I can see why mothers can feel horrified after reading it (if you're expecting while reading it, stop, or you'll wish that you'll never have children). I think I fully 'got it' after putting it down and letting it soak up to my mind. Was it worth it's Orange Prize? I'm sure of that. Heh, that book will put anyone feeling baby fever right out of it! Hah hah...

But I must admit that I knew the books' big secret, the real destiny of the main characters' husband and daughter, long before the book got around telling me that. I do admit that in some point I did wonder, if the author could have cut down the novel a bit (after all, more than 500 pages is a lot; although I like long books myself), but in the end the length makes perfect sense. A brilliant end, I must say. I saw most of it coming, but not the last page, that was brilliant.

Now, the books deals with death in the form of a massacre in a school and in the family. You can feel the pain, the sorrow, the desperation. Yet the author doesn't underline it and turn it into a cliche, which is exellent.

Marian Keyes, one of my fave authors, wrote Anybody Out There?. It's yet another addition to her novels about the Walsh family, this time about daughter Anna. I must admit that when I borrowed this book from my aunt, I was expecting a light read with some sadness in it, but not the surprise I got around page 208. It made me CRY. Now, I am aware, that I cry more easily these days, but not that much. It made me wonder, truly wonder, what it would feel like to lose someone so dear. That is a lot for a book to accoplish; after all, I have lost my father to cancer, and he wasn't only a parent but a friend.

Anyway, before that twist, I had liked Anybody a lot. After that I was too much in shock to fully enjoy the rest of the novel. Sure, it was a good read, and all the readers of Keyes will enjoy it, but I doubt that I will read it again and again like I will what comes to her previous novels Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married and Rachel's Holiday (which, to me, is her best novel).

Before these two books I had read a Finnish novel titled Viikkoja, Kuukausia (Weeks, Months) by Reko and Tiina Lundan, a husband and wife team. They wrote about their own experiences via fictious characters. Reko had a brain tumor, and the book told the honest story what that means for him, for her and their whole family. Why would I read a book like that? My father's cancer was also brain tumor. That's why.

Reading Lundans' book brought back memories of those few months, which were my fathers' last. Yet that walk down the memory lane was a welcomed one, without tears. Yet I recalled what it was like to feel those emotions I did back then. And, in a way, re-lived losing him. And I know now that also Mr Lundan passed away not that long time ago. It made, in its sad way, his book even more important. I hope that all those families in Finland who face brain cancer, will read that book and let that be written therapy. I personally needed it, althought next April dad has been gone for 10 years. It perhaps is a long time, but it feels a lot shorter.

So, I have been dealing with old guestions about living, dying, death, sadness, losing, loving. I even cried on the train, when I thought that I might lose the man I love one day... I know that we all eventually pass away, but just that thought made it horribly close and possible. And scary. There and then, on the train, I was afraid of death and dying.

Now, when a day has passed, I feel nothing but love. I understand even better, that we all will be, in a way, immortal, if we have loved, shared that love and have a family and friends. We live forever in pictures, memories, moments, laughter. Perhaps, one day, we all will be just names in stones at a grave yeard, but for someone who visits us there, that stone is just a symbol for something greater. It will stand as the last reminder of who we were, who we are and whom the visitors have become because they knew us.

I got a Christmas card which said that I'm a "Northern Angel". That beautiful name will stay in my heart for a long, long time. That was also a reminder that although we might not always be aware of it, but we can leave others with a smile. Simple waords, actions, smiles, hugs, whatever, can make someones day. And then that day can become a lasting memory, which they will cherish on bad moments and days and give them power, strength and ability to face those hard things like a winner.

Now that is something to live for. We all cannot be famous, but we all can be angels to someone closeby.

Christmas Holidays

Tomorrow morning I'll take the train to Helsinki. My train leaves at 7.30 am, I'll be at Helsinki at 10.27am.

I'm going to spend Christmas with mum and my boyfriend and some relatives from mum's side. I'm going to meet up some friends also.

Tomorrow early afternoon me and mum are planning to get our Christmas tree. Mum has already been browsing the selection, but she wants us to buy the tree together. Besides, I would not allow her to get it on her own; after all, I inherited dad's excellent tree finding skills, so I can tell what tree is just perfect for our living room this year. And it's a lot easier to carry a Christmas tree when there's two of us...

Later on, I'm planning to start the Christmas baking marathon. I'm going to make the ginger man cookie dough; it needs to be made a day before the cookies are baked. And I'm going to make two mulled wine cakes; one for our bunch for Christmas Eve, another one as a gift to our neighbours; the lady cannot bake anything this year, because her arm is broken. And mulled wine cakes need few days to reach their best flavor, so when I make them tomorrow, they'll be just perfect by Christmas Eve.

Wednesday I'm going to buy one reminding gift. Then I'll be baking the ginger men cookies, so that I can surprise a friend of mine with a pack of them. And that evening I'm off to my friend Jasmin's house warming party. It will be great to see what her place looks like! I haven't been to her place yet, so it will be exciting.

The last days will be getting ready for the weekend; cleaning, baking, buying food, that kind of stuff. I think that we'll decorate the tree sometime of Thursday. We have a tradition how to do that; mum will place the silver star on the top of the tree first, then she will put the white lights. Then the rest is up to me. First the silver and golden strings, then snowflakes, angels and balls, then the rest, as much as the tree can take without looking silly. My trees have been admired for years, so I don't think that this year will be any different. Real tree is a real tree and it shows.

Friday or Saturday we'll visit the grave yard and take a 5 day candle to my dad's grave. We'll place one candle from each of us and take a moment to recall dad. This year he's been gone for 9 years. It seems weird that he's been gone for 10 years next year, when it just seems like yesterday when he was still here... I miss him a lot sometimes.

I'll be baking cheese-carrot buns for Christmas Eve on Friday or Saturday as well. Saturday evening I'll be headed to the city centre to pick up my boyfriend. He'll arrive around 8.30pm, if the train is on time. It will be great to have him here with us for Christmas. =) That is going to be my best gift this year.

I bet that on Saturday evening we're going to drink a glass or two of warm mulled wine, with some raisins and almond flakes. That's a tradition of ours to have a glass of mulled wine when everything is done, we're ready and the Christmas sauna has been visited and enjoyed. There's nothing more to do before Christmas Eve than to enjoy the warm wine, listen to Christmas carols and relax. Few years ago mum put a bit of alcohol among the wine, but ever since I got ch, I have skipped that part. I bet I'll be skipping it this year, too, because my current cycle is not 100 per cent gone - shadows are left - so I don't want to risk it. It's not worth it.

Christmas Eve is always busy at our house. I'll be up early. As soon as I have finished breakfast I'll start to chop plums for the dessert, plum quark. I make that and put it to fridge to wait for the evening. Then I'll make the macaroni & cheese ready. After that it's making the lunch; rice porridge, which must be ready few minutes before noon.

At noon we'll take our plates and sit in front of the TV and watch how Christmas Peace is declared from the city of Turku, eat lunch and sing Finland's National Anthem, when the program gets to that part. When the show is over, I'll get the old Bible and read out loud Gospel according to Lucas. Then it's back to chores.

Making the salad, pealing the potatoes, setting the table (ok, we usually do most of that the night before, too), lighting up candles inside and outside, making traditional sweet Christmas pastries, changing clothes... that all will take its time! Everything must be ready by 5pm, when the quests arrive. And my aunt and her daughters and their boyfriends are the sort of quests who will turn up on time.

So, when the quests arrive, it's eating, eating, eating, talking, laughing and more eating. After we have eaten enough of everything, we'll take a break, talk some more and then eat the dessert. Then we'll open the presents. After that it's coffee and cookies and cakes and all sort of sweet stuff. We'll admire gifts the others have got and some time close to midnight the quests will leave. Unless we all get caught up with playing some game, as it has happened more than once.

I will always watch part of the Mass held in the Vatican. It means a lot to me, even though I'm not Catholic. Watching that timeless ceremony will bring peace and harmony into my heart and mind and I feel the connection to the real spirit and meaning of Christmas, the birth of baby Jesus.

This year we'll be spending the Christmas Day at our house, relaxing, listening to new cds (I'm hoping, of course), wathing new dvds (yup, the same goes here) and reading new books (that's almost certain; I get new ones every year). My aunt use to host a gathering on Christmas Day, sometimes it takes place on Boxing Day. This year we'll be headed to my uncle's on Boxing Day. My aunt used to serve non-Christmassy foods of her gatherings, but this time menu is one big question mark.

I'll return to Jyväskylä for a while before New Year's Eve. I'm going to spend the New Year's Eve with my boyfriend and his friends at somewhere near Tampere. I'll meet lots of new people then and it will be interesting. And a new tradition, as I have previously spend New Year's Eve with my blood-family or friends. But times change, and my boyfriend is my dearest familymember now.

That's what the Holidays look like at my house this year.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!

Some moments, some moments

Here I am, looking at Desperate Housewives, packing, listening to country music and smiling. From ear to ear, as the saying goes. Some moments, simple little moments, do that to a woman. This is one of mine.

Me and my boyfriend have been talking on and off about plans for our future. We've known for a long time that there is that thing called Our Future. Tonight my boyfriend asked how I'd feel if we would begin to actively search for our place.

And we're planning to do that. We have been talking about moving in together; to a some place new to both of us. After all, my place is just a room at a halls of residence, his is his place and his stuff have their places. It would be better to find a place together and put everything on their places together. And we're going to do that.

We have talked about earlier, that we're going to stay in this city at least for the next 10 months. We both know that once I graduate and look for a job, it could take me anywhere, and he's ready to move anywhere after 10 months, unless he finds another job, which takes his breath away. We'll see about that. Now we're talking about what kind of appartment, what part of town, that sort of things.

Sure, things take their time. My friend and her boyfriend have been looking for their place for a quite a while. So who knows how long it takes that we'll find our place (chey, I love typing that, don't I?), but I'll bet that we'll find a great one.

Until then... I'll be smiling for a long, long time. =)

My Heart Sings Christmas

Earlier this evening me and my boyfriend walked to the Jyväskylä city centre to attend Christmas Carol sing along at the Citychurch.

We arrived to the city well in advance, so we walked around and amired a small "Christmas Village", a new tradition the city introduced this Christmas. We looked at baby Jesus with Mary and Joseph. We looked at the two real lambs next to them. We admired the people around us, making their way from store to store, some were just taking a walk, some followed us to the church.

If we had known that there were hundreds of people already waiting to attend the sing along, we had come to the church earlier. But we thought that because this wasn't the first occasion - not even the first of the day - that there would be nicely space. But we were mistaken. We did make it inside the church, but there were no seats left. So we stand all through the sing along.

But I'm so glad that we decided to go and stayed. We did get the lyrics leaflets and had nicely space at the aisle. During the hour which the sing along lasted, we sang together 14 songs. Including one of my all time favourite Christmas songs, Silent Night. It was incredible to hear everyone at the packed church sing all those songs! It was wonderful.

The priest informed us that people have got together to sing these Christmas songs together in this way for 34 years. I have attended a sing along at a church for as long as I can recall. And I've been to many churches; I recall singing Christmas carols at least at 8 churches. I have been with different people; with mum and dad or just mum, with my best friend and her mum, another best friend and her sister and dad and now with my boyfriend.

Naturally one can sing those same Christmas carols anywhere, anytime this time of year. And I do, believe me! But still, truly going to a church and sing those carols with bunch of others makes the Christmas spirit to my heart. I love it! I feel connected with all the people, I feel connected with God. For me, Christmas is sacred and holy. And it means a lot to me, that I've been able to share this tradition with so many of my closeones.

We all have a lot of traditions what comes to Christmas. Christmas carol sing along is one of mine. Christmas is, in many ways, a feeling. It consists of so many things. But for me, most of all, it's about religion, about family, about connection to something so much bigger than myself. When I sing with my closeones and total strangers, I'm connected to it all. And I feel Christmas during it and after that. Frankly, I don't think that Christmas would feel the same without the carol sing along!

A Christmas Meme!

1. Hot Chocolate or Egg Nog?

I'm not that much of a fan of any hot drinks; mulled wine is pretty much the only one I drink... I haven't tasted egg nog ever, so I'll choose hot chocolate. The best hot chocolate I've ever had was actually back in UK, in a beautiful city called Colchester, and it was sometime in November.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?

When I was a kid Santa visited our house and gave wrapped presents to me, mum, dad, my uncle, my aunts and my cousins directly. These days when kids have grown up, Santa is too busy ( ;-) ) to stop by personally, so he leaves wrapped presents to one specific room at the house. Too bad my cousins are, at 21 and 26, aware of it and usually are the first ones to rush to get the presents, heh heh.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?

We have one set of white lights outside this year and one set of white lights on our Christmas tree. I do have this colored lights reindeer decoration hanging in front of one window, it was a gift from a friend one mine. And I have a flying star decoration in my room, which has blue and orange lights.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?

No, that's not a tradition at my house. I did buy this golden mistletoe decoration a few years back, but it stays in my room.

5. When do you put your decorations up?

I put decorations to my room here in Jyväskylä sometime in November this year. Me and mum begun to decorate our house in Helsinki last weekend. Now we have everything but the Christmas tree (we'll get that early next week like we always do; trees actually went to sale only yesterday here in Finland and yes, we'll have a real tree!) ready.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?

That must be turkey with, believe or not, macaroni and cheese! ;-) I've been making some sort of macaroni dish for a cousin of mine since I can recall and fwe years ago I decided to alter the tradition and made macaroni & cheese for the first time. Now everybody loves it so much that they begin to ask me in June that will I make it or not! Talking about popular demand, heh! I do like making all sort of Christmas dishes; cookies, cakes and stuff, but I off sugar myself.

7. Favorite Holiday memory?

I have a lot to choose from. One of my faves was to travel to Viitasaari with my dad and pick our two Christmas trees from our our land. I was about five and there was A LOT of snow everywhere! It was fun.

Then there's fighting snow wars with my friend and her brother and his best friend... Making snow castle, a snow horse, a snowman... making snow angels to the ground and when my friend's uncle came to visit just then, he called me and my friend "snowladies". Heh, that night was 20 years ago, but I'm still refered as "snowlady" when he sees me!

I recall one Christmas Eve years ago; I went to have a walk with my friend and her dog. It became snowing. The whole suburbia around us was peaceful, quiet and white. It was so lovely! I was 7 or 8 at the time and it's one of my dearest memories.

The Christmas Eve in 1996 will always stay on my mind as one of the golden ones. The mood during the dinner was relaxed, peaceful and beautiful. We all were sitting around the big table (usually there's so many of us that there's another table for us youngones), talking, eating, having a wonderful time. That was one of the best evenings, although my dad was very seriously ill (brain tumor) and it was his last Christmas.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?

I don't recall the specific moment, but I was 8 at the time.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

Back in our house ALL the gifts are opened on Christmas Eve; that's the tradition here in Finland.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?

First the silver star goes on the top. Then mum puts the white lights. Then it's these long, pretty decoration strings (?) and then everything else - we have a lot of decorations. Some of them we have inherited from grandma Martta (dad's mum), some I made at school, some my aunt sent from Germany when she lived there for a year. The tree is decorated on 22nd or 23rd at our house; it depends little bit. But I'm always the one who does most of it and I enjoy it a lot. My fave decorations are golden snowflakes, which I bought myself about 6 years ago.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?

Let's put it this way: May your days be merry and bright and may all your Christmases be white! I love snow and Christmas Eve doesn't really feel like Christmas Eve without it.

12. Can you ice skate?

Yes, but I haven't in years.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?

When I was very little, it was this pink My Little Pony castle - both me my cousin got the castles the same year. When I was older my friend Laura has given me a lot of great gifts, including a custom-made bed spread.

14. What's the most important thing?

Spending time with my closeones. The true meaning of Christmas... my fave moment is to read the Gospel according to Lucas before the quests arrive. We used to have a tradition that the oldest quest would read it out loud, but since one of our quests is Jewish, we decided to alter that tradition.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?

I have never been a fan of the Christmas' traditonal dessert, which is plum something. I managed to alter that to plum quark, which is easy to make and our quests love it. I'm not into anything with sugar, so I skip that part.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Reading Gospel according to Lucas. Having quests at our house on the Christmas Eve. Decorating. Baking... ok, I'm a Christmas nut! ;-)

17. What tops your tree?

A silver star, like pretty much every tree back here in Finland.

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?

Receiving is great, but giving is much, much better. I love to watch how people's eyes light up when they realise that they got something wonderful.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?

I love many songs; it's a close call between Christmas Time, White Christmas, Silent Night and O Holy Night.

20. Candy canes, Yuck or Yum?

I must admit: I have never had a candy cane, so I'm not sure.

First Anniversary!

When I was walking to the city centre on December 13, 2005, I was headed to meet up a friend I knew from his emails. We had been writing emails nearly daily for two months and now we had decided to meet.

It was a beautiful evening, it was snowing. A perfect evening for a Christmas Carol sing-a-long concert. And meet someone special.

When I recall that evening, I recall being complitely relaxed and at ease as I waited for him to arrive (I'm early everywhere; I was even born 14 days before due date). I viewed the people gathering around the church and ready to go in. Then he, a tall guy dressed in black, showed up. I thought, "Wow! I could see myself spending time with him!"

We said our hellos, went to the church and found seats. We talked all throigh the 15 minutes before the concert begun. It was so much fun to sing the familiar Christmas songs and soak up to the Christmas feeling. It was the first time we both sat inside the City Church, a beautiful brown church, which is locaded at the centre of Jyväskylä's busy centre, right next to the shopping street.

After the concert we walked a short walk to a coffee house, got tea and sandwiches and talked all though the night - we were among the last to leave the coffee shop! That has never happened to me before...

We walked pass the church, talked about many things and admired the snow; it was snowing again. It was near 10pm when we said our goodbyes and decided to meet again. I walked on air all the way home, thinking, "What a guy!!!"

That's the story of our first date, the day we met and how we became a couple. It was one romantic evening, and I smile when I recall it. It's quite amazing that it was just a year ago! These 12 months with him have flown by so quickly.

Naturally a lot has happened over our first year together. It has been fantastic to get to know him better, seeing his happiness over his new job; being there next to him when his godson was born and then babtized; spending time with him at our cabin and at his aunt's; meeting his family and friends; introducing him to some of mine; admiring guina pigs together and then owning two of them... That's just few.

As we'll celebrate our first anniversary, I already know that I want to be with him all the days I'm blessed to have in this lifetime. The love we share is a blessing and a precious gift; I'm grateful for it each day. Year ago today I didn't expect to meet the man I'd fall in love with - agess the old saying, 'you'll find love when you'll least expect it' is true! And I'm one lucky, happy woman.

Here's to a another wonderful year together! =)

Babies, Houses & Friends

You know that you're getting closer and closer to 3-0, when your friend begin to actually talking about buying houses, babies and child-care. You know, instead of graduating, getting a job and shopping...

But time must go on.

Still, when my Girls Club gathered last Saturday and the topics above were discussed about, it was bit surpricing. Sure, 3 out of 5 are in a relationship, one works in a kindergarten and one's family just moved, so no wonder. But honestly, I expected to see this "change to tune" about in 4 years time and not quite yet.

Now, I belong to the "in relationship"- part of our little group. Tomorrow we're celebrating our anniversary - we met a year ago and we've been together since that night. I've come to know during this year that I've found the man I want to share my life with. We have talked about moving in together and we've talked about our future plans in some part. The things we haven't talked about are issues which belong to the "time is not right"- section.

I know that in many ways I'm this considering woman, who doesn't jump into big decisions just like that. I know where I stand on both big issues (that of marriage and children, that is) and right now I'm happy where I am. I'm looking forward to living the man I love in future and getting to know him better and better. I'm not in any hurry getting further. The hurry I used to feel vanished when I met him.

I do admit that I understand people who date just a while, marry and start a family there and then. But I'm yet to finish my Masters and I kind of want to have a job before that myself. I don't have a "timetable", which some people do. I just recall my two childhood wishes: to be married before I'm 30 and a mum before I reach the age my mum had me. Yet I know that although life helps those who help themselves, it also has a habit to alter peoples' plans just like that.

That is one of the reasons why I have been slighly surpriced, amused and now also annoyed when people have come to me and asked me about when I'm going to have a baby. It's been odd, because I'm not there yet and we haven't talked about it. As far as I know, we're on the same page about it - we both want to have children "someday in future". It's interesting that I need to reply to that question this day and age, when people are more aware than ever that not all people who want to have a baby will get one just like that. Although there are plenty of people who are keen to have children without getting engaged or married, that does not mean that I would be thinking that way, too. And that just because a 26-year-old is in relationship, she would be trying to get pregnant.

I am thrilled that Steph & DJ from ch.com are expecting a baby. I couldn't be happier for them and I will share that joy they have as on-board "auntie" with pleasure. And I hope that my dear friend's sister will get that baby she and her husband are hoping for. It's been a blessing in my life that I've been able to see my boyfriend's nephew and godson grow. And I love to admire pics of kids at ch.com. But I'm not applying a passport to Babyville just yet.

But it will be very interesting indeed to see what the future brings to me and my Girl Clubbers. Who knows where we all are in five years' time. It could be that there are more than one married mum among us then, living in a pretty flat, appartment or house. Who knows? I'm very bad at quessing. Life is so much better in creating all sort of twists and turns than I am, that is for sure.

Who would have quessed that after my friend broke up she would find a man she "doesn't want to let go" nicely afterwards? I'm yet to meet that special man, but I sure hope that he is the kind of man who can make her happy in all levels. She's deserved a wonderful man.
What comes to other friend, I hope that she and her long-time boyfriend can find a place to live; it's not always that simple. I hope that their future looks bright.
To the other two I wish that whatever they wish for, will come to them. Whether it is work, lovedones, exciting opportunities, I hope they'll embrace it.

What comes to my very own future, it looks bright and hopeful. I'm not least of bit scared of what will happen, either. What will happen, will happen. I know that whatever it will be, I'll survive.

Disney on my mind

Every now and then we take care of the kid in our hearts. Yesterday I made mine very happy indeed!

So, what did I do? Well, I walked to my nearest R Kioski and bought myself 2 of my all-time favourite Disney films, The Lady and The Tramp and The Little Mermaid.

The Lady and The Trap was the first film I ever saw. I was very little, about 5 or 6. I still recall it. I went to see it with my dad. It was Saturday in around Christmas time and when we came home, mum had made her famous sweet buns and pastries with mince meat. (The sameones I'm about to make shortly).

I saw The Little Mermaid about this time of year, as well. Most of the Disney films used to arrive to the movie theatres in here just before Christmas. I fell in love with the story! I've always had this unexplained fascination towards the ocean and lakes and the film made this love grow bigger. I adored Ariel. I got the film on VHS as soon as it appeared and I have no idea how many times I have seen it by now. Many.

In fact, I love many Disney films. I recall watching Mary Poppins with my best friend and her family right after we had made ginger cookies for Christmas. When we taped Robin Hood, I watched it so many times that I actually could wrote it out as a script, word by word, without making mistakes! I just loved Robin Hood and Maid Marion...

Then came Aladdin. I totally fell in love with the story and the songs. I loved it so much that I decorated my tiny room with posters of Aladdin and Jasmine and bought the soundtrack! Actually, I didn't think that I could care as much for another movie, ever.

Naturally, I was wrong. The Lion King came out the following Christmas. I was bit sceptical about going to see it, but since my friend wanted me to go, I went. And I loved it! It had the best songs, lovely characters and wonderful views, not to mention a great story. It's absolutely one of my favourite films of all times. I have seen it many times, but I still cry, when Mufasa dies. And when we saw the original version at school (English class) I actually got scared in the beginning when Scar catches a mouse... hah hah. The class room had been all quiet and it got to me.
When mum turned 60 and wanted me to buy us tickets to a musical and she wanted to see The Lion King, I was more than excited. It was incredible show!

I have seen many other Disney films as well. Cinderella, Fantasia, Oliver, The Aristocats, Hercules, The Beauty and The Beast, Dumbo, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame... but none of them had such an impact on me. In fact, I would have not even seen The Hunchback if my P.E. teacher didn't insist on everyone at my class to attend its performance on our last P.E. lesson before Christmas.

Still these Disney films have something magical for me. I bet that they will always have that. When I'll have children of my own, they will get to see all those films as well. In today's world of violent cartoons, Disney is like a security blanket; you will know that the films are entertaining, good-hearted and educational. You can always tell the bad guys from the good and you will love the characters, stories and songs. I love that.

Love is in the Air

My boyfriend just did incredibly romantic thing!

We have 2 guinea pigs together and he got a webcam (which we call guinea pig cam), so that we and others can admire the littleones when we're not at his house. He can see who is watching the cam, so he knew that I was watching.

So, tonight he placed a tiny note on the cage and the note said simply "We love you". =)
The word "love" was symbol of heart. The message was so sweet!

I send him a text as soon as I could type to thank him and I wrote "I love you and the littleones too". I just loved that gesture. It was so kind and wonderful. He's a wonderful man. =)

So it's December

It's Monday, December 4th. Two days from Finland's Independence Day, five days from my "Girls' Clubs" annual Christmas Party, nine days unil me and my boyfriend celebrate our first anniversary and 20 days from Christmas Eve, when my nearest and dearest gather to my house to celebrate Christmas. It's a month full of joyful things.

I have no idea what to expect. From this week, from the next, for the rest of the month. The weekend was Christmassy, as I attended my boyfriend's office Christmas Party. We came home late and I could hardly sleep that night. But in the morning we had a discussion, which brought us closer. I did wonder if we should have discussed about things earlier, but these things cannot be forced. But when he realised that I had just seen him sick, and stayed next to him and helped him without caring about my own sleep, he understood that it's time to talk about things.

After our discussion we went to the Christmas Fair and had a great day together. We talked, laughed, bought Christmas presents, had delicious hamburgers. Getting closer to someone takes time, effort, will, love and understanding. He told me that we wants to move in with me; to a place we can call "ours" instead of mine or his. We both have lots of plates ready, heh... And that in part the idea scares him, because he has no idea what will happen.

When he said that, I understood that I felt the same fear about it. Living together means that we can forget keeping most of our things a secret. It means getting to know him complitely, as he is. It means being together every day, and losing some of that "me/free"- time. But as he said that out loud, I understood also, that my fear is gone. Only love reminds in its place and will to give it a real chance. Odd for a woman, who values her "her"-time! That made me realise just how much I do love him. At his best, at his worse.

To be honest, I had been afraid to death that I'll turn into my mother. Sure, I had traces of her in me, but in many ways luckily I am me. I'm not into changing my boyfriend, but accepting who he is and appreciating the man he is. I don't feel like yelling or raising my voice in anger; I believe in talking and negotiating until the real issue appears. My boyfriend likes his "he"-time and I like my "her"-time. I don't feel like tying someone down, but choosing to be with someone and making a commitment to him is important to me. I maybe a modern citygirl, but I have my roots in country, and I want marriage and children to be part of my future, and career on my own, doing what I love at the most - write.

I want to travel, I want to meet my ch.com friends, I want to share my dreams. Deep down it's easy to make me happy; just listen to me, appreciate me, don't put me nor my dreams down, that's about it. I'm the kind of woman you won't see getting drunk at a bar; I'm more likely found at a bookstore, reading at home, writing something, watching movies at my local movie theatre or watching sitcoms at home. I like to doll up for a party or family event, I listen to my friends' worries, I love to cook and bake. Ordinary woman.