Today's the Day

It's raining outside right now and the day is dark. It suits my mood, to be honest. I'm trying not to think about this evening, but I can't help it. 4.40pm this evening I'll finally find out if I'll have another health scare to deal with.

Yes, I'm going to see a dermatologist today. I have been at ease about it for few days, but now when the day itself is here, I'm not sure what to think! I bet I should tell myself that it's nothing... that those spots are just spots and nothing more. But why I felt so bad the first moment I saw them? Why a dark thought came into my mind? My intuition has been right about things before, so I'm scared to listen to it.

When I wrote about this scare to ch.com, one member told me that I'm too "young" to worry about these things. Perhaps I am... but tell that to my head! I wish I could feel complitely at ease... I wish I could be sure that it's nothing. But I can't. Not yet. Not until the doc tells me that.

I know myself. I look at the positive sides in every issue, situation and person, but sometimes, like now, I also think for a while what's the worst case scenario. Now it would be skin cancer. Frankly, I could live with that. I know that these days they are curable, so the diagnosis could be worse. But just the thought, the word... cancer... it has a bad tone to it, doesn't it? I've lost my dad and uncle to cancer, mum and few other relatives had had scares.

Still, when I thought what if I have cancer, the thought itself brought tears to my eyes. I hope that I won't need to cry thin evening... tears of relief is complitely another matter.

Ok, I have 4 hours to go before the appointment. There's plenty to do, but I can't make myself start. I just feel like doing something entertaining... I actually thought about going to the shopping center and begin the search for Christmas presents. But, with 4 hours to spare, I'd just end up thinking about it too much. Oh well, I could always read some gossip online or watch a movie. Or Will and Grace DVD.

Wish me luck.