Getting nervious in here

I'm packing my bag for tomorrow. I'm going to my boyfriend's friend's housewarming party. It's bit scary and exciting, because I'm going to meet 10 new people tomorrow for the first time...

My friends know me as a joyful chatterbox, but I'm usually bit shy and reserved around new people. Part of me is afraid that I'll be asked lots of tough questions tomorrow. And that I'll lose my voice (my throat is still sore) and I'll me coughing the whole time. Or I get a ch hit! I'm packing lots of meds to prevent problems, but you can never be prepared to everything.

My boyfriend has kindly told me lots of things about his friends. To calm my nerves... but I'm not calm, yet. In fact, I'm slowly freaking out! What if I have nothing in common with these people? What if they all ignore me the whole time? What if... let's forget that. I don't believe in whatifs and worrying in advance, but I'm still nervous.

I know how import friends are. I'm yet to introduce my boyfriend to my friends. One of my pals did visit me here and she met him. But it's not the same now, is it? Tomorrow there will be me, the new person, among 11 who have known each other for a long, long time. And we're far away from neutral ground...

Now, if I'm already this nervous, I'll be panicking by tomorrow! I need to calm down and listen to some country. And make sure that I'll pack my caffeine tablets.

Quote of the Day

"If you can dream it, you can live it"
(Kevin Richardson)

About OUCH

Those of you who wonder what that flag is all about... Well, I'll tell you.

OUCH stands for Organization for Understanging Clusterheadaches. I suffer from clusterheadaches and this non profit organization wants to make ch more known disease. I'm a proud member of OUCH and I wish that one of these days I can attend OUCH convention, which are held every summer somewhere in the USA.

Want to know more?

OUCH
http://www.ouch-us.org/index.shtml

Clusterheadaches
http://www.clusterheadaches.com/
http://www.clusterheadaches.com/wwwboard/index.html

Bag, Shoes, Clothers & Jewellery

It's funny. I've read that there are three kind of women: bag women, shoes women and clothes women. And this means, that every woman is passionate about one of those three things. Well, I'm not.

Don't take me wrong. I do have bags I adore. And I did once fell in love with a beautiful pair of shoes. And there are pieces of clothing, which I couldn't ever through away - no matter how bad their condition is. But I'm not passionate about any of them.

Then what kind of woman am I? Well, if I'm passionate about something near those things I've mentioned, then I'm a jewellery girl. I have, I must admit, lots of jewellery. LOTS. Earrings, pedants, rings... Most of them aren't worth that much in euros, but lots in memories.

I did get more jewellery as birthday presents earlier this month: pendant in a shape of a heart from a friend who I've known since high school, neclace from another friend who has been my pals for 13 years and beautiful silver earrings from my boyfriend.

Ever since I was a kid, I've been fascinated by jewellery. My mum let me try on her jewels when I was very young. It was my favourite way to spend time... I just hope that one day when I'm raising my own kids, I can pass on all the stories mum's jewellery have. She used to tell all those stories in such a lively manner... I hope that I can tell my jewellery's stories in a similar way one day.

OUCH Flag

Love and loving

It has been often said that falling in love makes us blind. Well, if that is true, then loving opens our eyes to see.

And to see not only one's partner like they truly are, but also oneself. Back when I was single, I used to grin at the joke which said: "Men help us solve problems which we didn't have without them". Well, I'm not grinning at it anymore. Because, in a way, it is true.

When we fall in love and begin a new relationship, we allow another person to look at us very closely from very close. So you're easily hurt when you're that close. And it's easy to hurt when you're that close to someone. Even without knowing that one's hurting.

Falling in love can bring out all one's insecurities into the surface. It can be scary, but also liberating. I read once, that we pick partners, who help us grow into persons we're supposed to become. Our partners bring out the best and worst in us. And yet, they're there for us through it all. Falling in love is easy, loving is hard.

We fall in love in seconds, but loving is rest of your life. I belive that we don't choose to fall in love nor the person we fall in love with, but we can choose to love. You see, I believe that one part of commitment is that you choose to commit. There will always be difference of opinion, disagreements, mixed plans, different ideals and dreams. You'll never know what kind of things life throws at you and it's so much easier to deal with things when you're reminded, even in the hard parts, that you chose to love.

This time last year I had no idea that I'd meet someone so wonderful. I was hoping that I would, though. And during these months we've been together, he's become important part of my life.

Still I know that he doesn't need me and I don't need him. We've both lived happily without each other for a long, long time. But we chose to be together. And I want him to be part of my life. Now, some might say, that the difference between needing and wanting in this context is thin red line. Perhaps it is, but it makes all the difference. I am happy and complite without him, but having him in my life makes it all much, much better. And life worth its while.

Quote of the Day

"Be absolutely determined to enjoy what you do"
(Gerry Sikorski)

Apricots, danes

What it is about apricots and danes, which makes you crave them?

Not all the time, but once you've had one, you find yourself eating the rest of the 200g pack. And then you buy another one on the next day... =)

And that cycle goes on. Some might say that it takes an addictive personality to behave like that. I say that the body knows what it needs. I used to eat apricots when my sweet tooth was craving something good. Then I tried danes. And got hooked.

Then it was danes, danes and more danes... I did get back to apricots after my mother bought me a pack of those. Now I have bit of both in here. Sweet.

Although part of me wonders; what is the next step, raisins? Well, I've had raisins phase once, too...

Planning my life

I have heard that some people plan their life ahead. At 20 they know where they are at 50. As admiring that is, making plans for the future has not worked out that well for me. You see, if I could have decided myself, my life would have turned out differently.

But, looking back, I would have lost wonderful experiences if my original plans would have taken place. Maybe I would have ended up where I am anyway... Hard to say, as I don't believe in "what ifs". There's no point in them. I believe that there's lots of truth in John Lennon's words: "Life is what happends to you while you were busy making plans".

Still, I have decided that I'm going to do a life plan for myself. One year plan, five year plan and maybe also a ten year plan. I don't think that there's any harm in setting goals for oneself and then work hard to make them come true. After all, goals are dreams with deadline.

I have decided that my one year plan will have more specific details, you know, do this/finish that by that month. But five year plan and ten year plan are more general ones, with basic plans and goals I'm going to achieve. And naturally I plan to evaluate my plans regularly to see where I'm going. Sounds like a good plan to me.

Cheating

I have never understood what cheating is all about.

I've never cheated on a test and I could never imagine to cheat on my partner. I can't understand why some people can. What is it all about anyway?

I've heard and read so many times that people cheat because something is wrong in their relationship. And instead of fixing it, they search for comfort outside the relationship and cause even more trouble. Some do it because they're looking a way out of their relationship without telling their partner that something is wrong. And 9 people out of 10 can tell when their lovedone is playing away.

Cheating is againts my principles and values. I know that not everybody want to fight for the good things they've got and are more willing to leave when first hump comes and look for good time with someone else. What they don't understand is that changing partner doesn't take away the core problem: we always take ourselves with us wherever we go. So, those who need to learn some lesson from a cheating partner, will always find a new partner, who cheats. And those who cheat, will think that things will be different with a new partner and then they will walk the line. Yeah, right. That'll happen, I'm sure of that...

The truth is that we all have a lesson we need to learn and until we do, we'll face similar situation as long as we have finally figured out what we were supposed to learn.

I have wondered few times how I would react if I heard that the man I love would have cheated on me. It's easy to say, that I would leave him there and then. The truth is that I'm not sure what I would say and do. I would be angry, sad, devastated and I would lose trust in him for a long, long time. Maybe forever. And I would cry a lot. I do hope that I will never have to face that situation, though.

Personally, if I realised that some other man would interest me more than the man I'm with, I'd figure out if I've had too little time with my man, am I taking him for granted, is he taking me for granted, is something else bothering me and then, maybe, talk about it with my partner and sort it out. If I'd realise that my relationship has come to its end, I'd end it fairly. And after that I'd go for another guy. I do know that my way is oldfashioned and probably boring. I just don't understand why it would be necessary to hurt the one I love.

I do think that some people cheat when they realise that their partner is showing them something about themselves that they don't like and instead of dealing with it (it's hard to face your own deamons, isn't it?) they cheat. Sure, attention from someone else must be great, but I don't see the point. If you feel like cheating, wonder what you're really avoiding and deal with that instead of cheating. It's like eating a cake when you're on a diet. You know the rules, but you choose to break them anyway.

I've dealed most of my life with all sort of insecurities. Now when I feel stronger than I ever have, happy in my own skin and have found a peace of mind, I can tell how much crazy things insecurities can make one do. Yet cheating is not one of them - what comes to me. I do think that some do search help for their insecuries from the arms of someone they shouldn't. In this world of quick fixes that happends. I wish everyone strength to be stronger than that. And that they'd be brave enough to choose the one they're with each they feel like cheating. Deep down I do think that it's a choice; I bet that hardly ever anyone is pressured to cheat. So there's a choice and one can always choose to be faithful.

What is this?

Since yesterday evening I've been feeling weird.

My throat hurts, my head is heavy, I feel feverish (but no fever) and I feel like sleeping all the time. Still this is not a flu but something else. And I hate it!

I hate being sick. =( I have enough on my plate with clusterheadaches (which have stayed away today, which is nice), I don't need this thing right now! Especially, when I have so much to do! I have exam coming up on Wednesday and my boyfriend's friend's housewarming party on Saturday. I can't be sick this week, I just can't...

Yet my body seems to disagree with me... =( I have had as many meds as I'm allowed to have for my throat and I've had few naps. It could be, in theory, that this is some sort of allergy. My mum has lots of them during Spring time. I've had just once. Whatever this is, I hope that it's over by Wednesday and gone by weekend!

Party Time

I just love hosting little parties for my friends. And tonight five of my dearest friends, "The Girl Club", as my mum calls them, are coming over.

My birthday was a week ago, so we're celebrating that. But, for me, tonight is all about seeing my friends. I live nearly 300 km away from them, so we don't see each other as often as we used to. Sure, I studied in London for three years, so I've lived even futher away from them before, so the situation is not that different. It is ke ind of funny, that I'm the only one who has been travelling around the word and Finland and the rest of my friends have stayed right here, in Helsinki, where we all grew up.

I've done lots of preparations for the party. I need to bake a cake, malke a delicious chicken salad and get the photographs from the store. Then I can just relax and wait for the quests to arrive to my house. =)

Naturally, this party is a simple one. Bunch of old friends gather together, talk, laugh, walk down the memorylane a bit. And sure they will ask me thing or two about my boyfriend of 4 months, whom they have not met yet. But it's so good to meet them all again. I haven't seen most of them since Christmas!

Guinea pig fever

I am a guinea pig person.

My one and only guinea pig Olivia passed away back in 1999, but that doesn't change my identity as a guinea pig person. And ever since me and my boyfriend visited local pet store with 20 guinea pigs (I'm not kidding here), I have really badly wanted to own one again. I miss holding tiny little pet on my lap and hearing her voice demanding for food each time somebody opened the fridge door...

Guinea pigs are cute creatures. A lot smarter than what they seem. And I could always tell when Olivia was up to something naughty. She has this certain look on her face, kind of innocent look. But she was a lovely, lovely pet. I know I was fortunate: I saw her for the first time on the very same day she was born (she was born to my neighbours' guinea pigs) and she died to arms. How many can say that about their pets? I bet that not that many.

I took Olivia to the vet twice. On both accounts I was told that she would not survive her operations, but she did. I knew that she would, although I cried a bit before. And I cried a lot when she died. Olivia passed away on December 30, 1999. I told everyone that it was because she didn't want to face the Millennium fireworks... Although fiereworks didn't really bother her after she had seen the very first fireworks on my lap.

I have lots of great memories of my time with Olivia. They say that owners and pets are like each other. I suppose it is true. In that case it was no surprise, that I picked the smallest guinea pig, which had carrot red color fur. My red hair is dyed, but my shortness cannot be faked... Both Olivia and I have lot of guts. We're survivor type. And Olivia taught me a lot about life and loving. I will not forget her as long as I live.

Still I think I'm going to wait bit more before I'll get another guinea pig. Olivia II or Oliver... I'm kidding about Olivia part, though. But funny, ever since I've told my friends and closeones that I had a guinea pig, I've found out that lots of my friends have had them as well. Aguess it's another bond... The sacret bond of guinea pig persons.

Addicted soon?

I just love blogs again... =)

It feels great to write things to my blog again. And I've been reading other blogs, too. I'm soon addicted to this thing, I can tell that already... Well, there are worse things, absolutely! ;-)

A friend of mine suggested that we would turn blogging into business which would give us both a chance to write about things we both love at the most. Not a bad idea. When we have time.

It's one sunny day!

The sun is shining brightly outside, yahoo! I know it's not warm yet, but I just love to see some sunshine. The last few days have been so grey and cloudy.

I had a great day yesterday. I got to see Laura's place, which was great. She has lots of ocean stuff at her appartment. White walls, nicely space. She seemed happy, which is always great to see. I'm going to meet my pal Jasmin later today, Gwen tomorrow and other pals on Friday. That's what happends each time I'm visiting Helsinki! All the pals want to meet up and I love to see them.

I'm excited about blogs again! I saw an article that somebody got herself a publishing deal just by writing a blog! Now that would be fantastic! One of my pals told me that she is worried about me. And why? Because I have dreams I'm not fulfilling... Well, it's not that simple when you're still studying. My dreams include writing and publishing a novel (a bestseller naturally... ;-) ), travel across USA and owning quinea pigs again. At this point, I admit, I have put my dreams on hold. I have bit more studying to do, which means that I don't have the time to write my first novel yet. But as soon as I have gratuated, I'm going to start that. And when I've landed my first real job, I can begin to save money for the future home and all the wonderful trips I'm going to take!

I'm excited already!!!

Grey Day

It's been a while since my last post. But so may things have changed in my life .

I just got back from Prague. It was one great trip! I loved to look at all the beautiful, old buildings. They were lovely... can't wait to see how the pictures turn out!

I look at life through the eyes of hope and optimism. I do need them today... It's been 9 years since my father died. I do think of him time to time. Sometimes it gets to me so deeply, that I cry. A lot. But today the nature is doing it for me; it's raining outside and it's a grey, grey day.

Later on, I'm off to see my friend Laura's place. She moved few months ago, but I've been away. It's nice to see her place, though. She loves the ocean as much as I do.