Finding hope

Today was a better, brighter day. I felt it streight away as I opened my eyes. All the tears I cried yesterday made me feel so much better. I actually looked great, which was strange.

It felt like I've found hope. It felt great! I was smiling throughout the day. And I got a lot done during the day, which was wonderful, too. And I found a cute bag with cats printed on it. Didn't buy it, but I loved it.

I didn't escape my emotions. I allowed them to appear, come and then go. I felt happy. I felt loved. I understood the universe, as silly as it sounds. My heart felt hope. And that felt great.

sadness

Today was one of those sad, sad days. Most of all, a sad day without a particular reason why.
I cried first thing in the morning... And there were tears on my eyes all through the day. Nothing that sad took place, but it didn't matter. I've had this sad undertone for a long time now inspite some very happy days. This is the "down" period. I just wish that it won't go on for good...

I had depression last spring. I wasn't dignosed, but I knew what it was. I cried a lot back then. I stayed a lot at home, wishing I'd snap out of it. But it took its time. I do recall that one day it was gone, just like that. I hope that it's like that this time, too. If it even gets that far.

I've had these sadness - periods all through my short life. They've been short, though. A day or two at the tops. Last spring was different. I knew it. And I feel the same way now. I haven't told anyone about this. Now I wonder if I should. Perhaps I should go to see a doctor. I just don't know. I feel so helpless and alone. I can't tell my friends and my mum would not undestand. That's life, I suppose. Snap out of it.

happiness

I have been wondering about happiness for a long time. I've spend years feeling sorry for myself...Worrying about everything and trying to overcome low self-esteem, school bullying, verbal abuse, others' expectations, society's pressures, my father's death, sadness and then CH. Last summer things begun to look brighter. Now I now that it's all up to me. I can't rely on anybody else to make me happy. I must do that myself. But in the process I can make others happy, too. And have others in my life.
I just wish that when the darker moments come, I'll recall how great I felt today. I was totally, complitely happy. All thanks to me an me alone.
"If you can dream it, you can live it". I believe in that quote.