Dates and older men - what a diffence age makes

I have a secret. The thing with secrets is, that as much fun as keeping them is, eventually one wishes to share (at least some of) them. So do I and here it is.

I'm "out there" again. I'm seeing people again. I'm dating again, oh hell yes.

And you know what? After feeling alone, abandoned and taken for granded for such a long time, it feel f*****g great to feel adored and appreciated again. And it never hurts when a handsome stranger tells you that your eyes are beautiful...

Shallow, moi? Nah. And I do not appreciate false comments nor words, which are stated in attempt to manipulate or impress me.

But I'm a fan of real, genuine compliments - especially when what they're saying happends to be true - my eyes are (at their best, I may add) absolutely enchanting, as they shine brightly, when I'm happy, content and excited. As I happen to be, at all times, when great company is present.

I've also noticed that while I was in a 3 year relationship, time flew on and dating has changed a bit. At any age, one must make a choice between younger, same age and older, but I've noticed that 28, some of the sub groups have changed. These days there are available 28-year-olds, naturally, but also smart younger ones (actually one guy who asked me out was 24... chey now, what would we have in common, I wonder?), weird a lot older ones (hello! At 40 one should be able to tell that divorcee interested only in s-e-x is not what 28-year-old is interested in when she mentions especially that she wants marriage and kids!) and yes, then there are those in between, who, at 30-something have managed to avoid finding The One or did found her, had kids and suddenly found himself alone all over again. Dating, at any age, is a challenge, let me tell you.

So, here I am, happily in between single and in relationship, in the dating land. I like it, although once Someone Really Special shows up, I'm more than happy to enter love land.

The thing is that I need to find out what I want of love and relationships this time around I'll explain you why.

When I decided to date again, I had simple ideal in mind: someone bit older, intelligent, funny, kind, available, wants same kind of things (meaning marriage and children) and has similar values (meaning faith in God, faith in people, optimism, family values, appreciates homelife and family and friends). But it's already clear to me that it's heck of a lot more complicated than that.

At 28, one chap was telling me how he is all gentleman. Well, sure, he opened one door and paid the drink, but he didn't listen to things I was saying, was rude at the cafe, critizised things inappropriately, kept on talking about the winters past and wanted to leave after an hour. Might as well, I thought, as it took me about 5 minutes to tell that you're bit of a jerk. And that view did not change within time. Smart idiot, so to say.

Then came another someone who asked me out. At 34, he is six years my senior. And man, what a gentleman! I felt like a Lady. We went to a museum, admired the works of art and had tea and lovely conversation afterwards. I had the best time on a date with him this time around, I can tell you. And yes, when he asked me if I'd like to go to the movies (what's up with men and James Bonds...?) with him, it was easy to say 'I'd love to'. As much as I enjoyed getting to know him better, I do know very well that I need to think about one huge issue: he has two children from previous relationship. I love kids, I plan to have my own when I'm married, but the huge question remains: can I be a stepmom one day, is that what I've ment to become? If I continue being intereted in dating this man, I need to figure that one out, because that is a necessity. Falling for someone is one thing, his kids is another thing, and they both have their challenges.

28, 31, 34, that really doesn't matter. We all have loved, lost, liked, trusted, hurt, cried and so one. Nobody is a tabula rasa at this age. The thing is, of course, what I want, need and what I'm meant to learn next in the road of love. I'm curious, that is for sure.

But, let me tell you that, after last night, my expectations of conversation and company have reached a brand new limit. I won't settle for less than the best of both, you know... Love is a game for two, naturally, but there are certain lessons I've already learned. And I won't let the past become my present any longer, I've done with those teachings and tests at one go.

I'm also very much aware that dating means also putting my heart into risk again. I can fall in love with someone who will leave me, hurt, abuse, igmore, belittle and all the possible bad things out there. But you know what? I'm simply ready to love and trust in someone, and because I'm a lot wiser, I can spot what I didn't in the past. Time and experience do make bolder, stronger, wiser and better. I do need love all the same, and I do want to give love as much as I did before I had my heart broken. I can love again.

Naturally who is the lucky guy... that is still a mystery.