Imaginary Conversations

One of my teachers said that there are two kinds of people. Those, who have a party inside their minds and those who attend parties. I'm one of those women, who have party inside her head.

My teacher meant, that some people rather keep themself to themselves and share part of their hearts with only rare people. When I say "I love you", I mean it. I don't say it in sake of saying it. I don't say it, because I have to or because I think I will achieve something by saying it. No, I say it only because I feel that way.

Honesty is important to me. When I lie, it's for my closeones. After my father's death I lied to relatives that mum wasn't at home - when in fact she was sitting closeby and she just didn't have the energy to talk with anyone.

Honesty can hurt, though. When a friend of mine told me that she didn't stood up for me against bullies at school because she thought that I should deal with them by myself, that hurted me. It was therapeutic to hear her tell that, but still... at the time it happened, I really would have needed my friends in my corner. I'm not bitter about my past, though. And I don't have grudges. I don't need apologies from anyone. I believe in the saying "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". And I must be very strong woman after all the things I've been through in my life. We all have our crosses to bare.

It has been said that one cannot become a writer unless one lives a writer's life first. If that's true, I should have enough material for a long series! ;-) I do know that it's not that simple. I do have noticed, that talking and writing about even the darkest hours of my life doesn't hurt anymore. That shows me that I'm comfortable in my own skin - and how far I've come from that girl I once was.

I have dealed with many situations in my life via writing. But even more than that, via imaginary conversations. In those I pretend to talk with others, usually in english, and things happen exactly the way I want them to. It's sort of role play, I suppose. On many occasions, in these imaginary conversations imaginary people talk through the real situations from my life.

Usually in those conversations there is this strong, independent woman, who is wise and kind and not afraid to let others know what she thinks - yet using diplomatic vocabulary. That kind of friend I would need in my life! She would make sure that people will treat me like I should be treated - with respect.