Confessions of an Old-fashioned woman

I have an confession to make: I'm old-fashioned woman.

I was brought up with old-fashioned values to respect family, religion and my home country. And in this modern world that is a bad, bad thing indeed. Or, at least, that's how it seems to me.

Maybe it is very silly indeed to think that first you fall in love, then get engaged, move in together, get married, have children... But that's how I imagine it to be. What else can you expect from a woman, whose parents were married 10 years before I arrived?

My family means a lot to me and so do my friends. Still I believe, perhaps foolishly, that it's possible to have both family and a career. That's as modern as I get.

Now, I could live with a man I love before engagement and marriage, but I couldn't have children before "I do". That is one of my values. I belive that marriage is important and meaningful, not just a piece of paper. My parents were married for 27 years, until the day my father passed away. My parents and other relatives have shown with their own example the meaning and value of marriage. I don't take marriage lightly. When I do get married, I do it when I love someone a lot, when we both are ready and when that happends, it's once and it's for life.

But marriage isn't something I would need to do at any cost, if you know what I mean. I know that some people are deeply committed to each other without marriage or are married in their hearts. I respect those choices, although that would not be right for me. I want to be married. As that is, to me, the ultimate bond of love. That shows, that I love that someone so much that I choose to be with him and only him also in the eyes of God and law, not just inside my heart.

I know that some people find it hard to believe, but the first time I truly thought about my own wedding was only after first of my friends announced that she would get married. Even then I thought that I'd like nothing more than small occasion. (And with small I mean really small; 20 people is too many...). A simple white dress for me, tiara and maybe champagne roses in my bucket... But truly, there are only two things, which matter to me in a wedding: that wonderful commitment which I'll be making to that man in question and that it will happen in a church. Everything else is just a bonus.

I believe that all the kids deserve committed parents. I am very well aware that people can be committed to parenthood in different ways and in this modern world it often does not include wedding rings, engagement nor even living in the very same household. The same choices are not the right ones for everybody. What comes to me, I want to bring children into this world after my husband I have been married for a while first.

Now, I know that life is full of surprises and we can always make plans, which will never happen. There is always God who decides in the end what happends and what doesn't. I am aware that part of my beliefs and values come down the fact that I believe in God strongly. That is very old-fashioned thinking, too, I suppose. But I still believe that marriage is a bond which should be taken in front of God and that all the children are precious gifts from God. Neither should be taken for granted.