What I really want

I have often said, that when I know what I want, there is nothing which could stop me.

Sounds good, right? I sure think so...
Naturally, there is a BUT in that statement. I have no idea what I WANT.

Of course I do KNOW some things I want. Like to travel to many countries. And to graduate with my MA degree. And write a bestseller novel. And get married. And have children. Live in a nice place. Have a career doing something I love... So very general, ordinary things, right?

But I don't really have a life schedule. You know, a plan, which would include when, where and how I'd get all those things I want. I have achieved two things I treasure a lot: peace of mind and love. After getting those, the rest seem like something extra.

I do want to write, help people and travel. If that leads into a career as a sitcom writer or a life coach, so be it. Still I hope that I would be one of those people who knew exactly what they will be at the age of 3 - and the become that. My life would be complitely different, if my original plans would have taken place.

Okay, I would still be studying journalism, but in a different city. I would have never studied abroad nor came to this city to study where I am. And I would have missed those 3 incredible years in London and meeting this wonderful man here in Jyväskylä. So in many ways I am grateful that my life has turned out the way it has.

Yet I hope that some voice inside would firmly say: this is who you are, Sandie. This is what you're supposed to be doing with your life. And even when I'd face humps on the road, there would not be any doubt in my mind that I've done the right thing and chosen the right path.

I suppose I want some sort of security, certainty, purpose. Don't we all want that, in a way or another? I have found a man who makes me feel like home. But I want to have that special own thing, too. Right now I just feel like one unfinished project with no deadline.

Don't take me wrong; I'm not desperate, sad, lonely, hopeless, bored or anything like that. It just feels weird how some people know everything so clearly so early on. I have only known that I want to write, write, write, write, write and help people. Now, does somebody need agony aunt? Here's one volunteer...